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Customers are Idiots

Customers are idiots

(The last one is classic, hope you're good:)

Actual  call centre conversations  !!!!!

Customer:      "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator:      "Where did you get that number from,  sir?".
Customer:     "It was on the door  to the Travel Centre".
Operator:      "Sir, they are our opening  hours".

Samsung  Electronics
Caller:          "Can you  give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator:      "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who  you are talking about".
Caller:           "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator:      "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

RAC  Motoring Services
Caller:           "Does your European  Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in  Australia ?"
Operator:       " Doesn't the product give you a  clue?"

Caller (enquiring about  legal requirements while travelling in France ):
"If Iregister my car in France , do I have to  change the steering wheel to the other side of the  car?"

Directory  Enquiries
Caller:                "I'd  like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff  please".
Operator:           "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling  correct?"
Caller:                "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell  off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:         "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller:              "Yes. That's what it says  on the label; Woven in Scotland ".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box  told a worried operator: "I  haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to  write the number on".

Tech  Support:      "I need you to  right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer:              "OK".
Tech  Support:      "Did you get a pop-up  menu?".
Customer:              "No".
Tech Support:       "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer:              "No".
Tech Support:      "OK,  sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this  point?".
Customer:             "Sure. You  told me to write 'click' and I wrote  'click'".

Tech  Support:      "OK. In the  bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the  'OK' button displayed?"
Customer:               "Wow. How  can you see my screen from there?"

Caller:   "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I  have just realised that I need it.   If  I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

There's always one.  This has got to be one of the funniest things
in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not
fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which
was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care
department. Needless to  say the Help Desk employee was fired;
however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for  "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I  know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         "Ridge  Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller:               "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator:          "What sort of trouble??"
Caller:               "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went  away."
Operator:         "Went away?"
Caller:               "They disappeared."
Operator:          "Hmm So what does your screen  look like now?"
Caller:               "Nothing."
Operator:          "Nothing??"
Caller:               "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller:               "How do I tell?"
Operator:          "Can you see the C: prompt on the  screen??"
Caller:                "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator:          "Never mind, can you move your  cursor around the screen?"
Caller:               "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator?

Caller:               "What's a monitor?"
Operator:          "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller:                "I don't know."
Operator:          "Well,  then look on the back of the monitor
and find where  the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller:               "Yes, I think so."
Operator:          "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller:               "Yes,  it is."
Operator:         "When  you were behind the monitor, did you
notice that there  were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller:                "No."
Operator:           "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller:                 "Okay, here it is."
Operator:           "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's  plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller:                "I can't reach."
Operator:           "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:                "No."
Operator:           "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller:                "Oh,  it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator:           "Dark??"
Caller:                "Yes - the office light is  off, and the only light I have is coming in from the  window. "
Operator:            "Well, turn on the office light  then."
Caller:                "I can't."
Operator:           "No? Why not??"
Caller:                "Because  there's a power failure.."
Operator:           "A  power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got  it licked now. Do  you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

Caller:                 "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator:            "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just   like it was  when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller:                 "Really?  Is it that bad?"
Operator:             "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:                   "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator:             "Tell them you're too ###*!  stupid to own a computer.




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